Thursday, May 29, 2008

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Interracial Marriage

A recipe for messed up kids.

Just when I thought I was running out of material to write about, I received this comment on my (evidently controversial) post about soft chocolate chip cookies:

"EXCUSE ME, Mr. Marks, but I thought this was a food blog.
Interracial marriages create nothing but heartache for any children conceived by such a union. DID you not read the media headlines today about the strife wrought by interracial marriages in America? Perhaps you two should stick to 'baking' cookies instead of 'making' interracial children."

Though the commenter's profile appears to be a ruse to get more website hits, I will still gladly address the comment. Because really, who could pass up this one?

First off, Commenter, I am a missus. Get that straight. Unless you're addressing my husband, who in fact does NOT claim to own a food blog. He certainly does not cook enough to warrant anything of the sort, and will gladly admit it.

Secondly, thanks for the warning about all the heartache and strife my future multiracial children are doomed to face. I'll begin setting aside therapy money pronto. But, do you explain Tiger Woods turning out okay?

Thirdly, if by your use of quotation marks you are insulting my "baking" skills, well then. Now I'm offended.

All joking aside, I have addressed some of my thoughts on interracial marriage here. And this recent comment (even if it was from someone with simply too much time and a penchant for instigating fights on people's blogs), reflects the disturbing reality of the fear, hatred and prejudice that still exist in our world today.

I want to dispel the notion that I think my marriage is fundamentally better than others simply because we're an interracial couple. Low and behold, Steve and I have many of the same issues, problems and dilemmas that any married couple experiences. Shocker, I know.

That said, I do believe that there are many interracial couples (and their families) who have walked a uniquely difficult road, and those people should be applauded. Because of my own experiences, I have a special place in my heart for interracial couples and their multiracial children. And I will continue to celebrate fellow interracial couples, such as Jon and Kate, Heidi Klum and Seal, and many of our real life couple friends (because we apparently run around in packs).

I will also continue to look forward to the day we have our own lovely multiracial children, who will hopefully be welcomed into a world that is a little more loving than it currently stands.

But until then, I guess I'll keep "baking" cookies.


  1. If any white person and any Negro, or the descendant of any Negro, to the third generation inclusive, intermarry or live in adultery or fornication with each other, each of them must on conviction be imprisoned in the penitentiary, or sentenced to hard labor for the county for not less than two nor more than seven years. (Alabama law, 1852)

    Not gonna say our world doesn't have problems now... but dang.

  2. I have tons of friends who are the result of 'mixed' marriages, and they're all completely fine! Plus, it seems that they're also generally better looking than pure asians/pure europeans or what have you. ;) Your kids will be gorgeous! heehee

    I'm pretty sure that for every 1 person who feels the way that person did, there are at least 10 other people who definitely DO NOT.

  3. Ugh, what a sick person. Good for you for standing up for your marriage, and I hope that we'll see a day in our lifetime that no one will have to justify or defend their relationship choices.

    Well, if anything good came of this, it was being redirected to that cookie recipe. Yum!!

  4. Maybe all of us in interracial marriages should start a club!

  5. What an awful comment. I agree that she was just trying to instigate for more hits, but like you said it only is an example of the greater problem. We are all interracial children and I doubt there is anyone in this country that is absolutely pure blooded with now interference along the way. Some people are just so ignorant. The key is to surround yourself, as you have done, with people who support you regardless of your race.

  6. Well said. It's hard to take a comment like that seriously. Plus that commenter forgot that interracial children overwhelmingly tend to be beautiful.

  7. you keep on baking with your interracial marriage self. haha.

  8. What.A.Jerk. My sister is in an interracial marriage, and their child is bi-racial. I get so offended when people express their very conservative views on this issue. Who are we to judge who others love? Isn't all love the same and deserving of the same respect as same-racial relationships? Now I'm all worked up! I hope he goes away from your blog and never comes back. I can honestly say that my niece is very proud of her bi-racial status, and she certainly does not regret where she comes from. Your future children won't either!

  9. i cant believe that someone would have the audacity to say that to you! it just goes to show how ignorant some people can be.

    your response was wonderful.

  10. I don't get people sometimes. Apparently this commenter thinks you're violating the sanctity of marriage just like all those gay people who want to get married. What is the problem??

  11. Larissa you are my hero. Seriously, you are. Granted I have never had anyone write something so ridiculous on my blog, so I guess I'm lucky that way. Seeing as to how I'm the product of an interracial marriage and my future kids have no choice in the matter, I definitely relate to what you're saying. So thanks for saying it and keep on "baking." :)

  12. wow...a lot of couples are interracial, where has this person been living? I'm filipino and my husband is "white" and I don't really consider ourselves interracial but I guess we are.

  13. Great response to a close minded individual. Children are happy when they have parents who love them. Period.

  14. Umm, wow. That's awful that someone would leave a comment like that! Because the fact of the matters it that we are all interracial in this melting pot we call the U.S. And it's awesome.

    Go you for addressing it!

  15. Hahaha, interracial children are GORGEOUS and owners of two different cultures, if they are so lucky that their parents haven't left their own culture behind for being Americanized!! If that's a problem, well I guess we have problems : ) .

  16. Oh. My. God.

    Someone with too much time on their hands Larissa. And clearly kermit (jealous) of your domestic goddess abilities!! Ignore and delete. Troll!!

    I loved your response babe.
    And love the look of those cookies!!!!

    Keep it up babe.
    S X

  17. for the record and as a some who is the same 'race' as you are? i happen to love interracial couples. i want to be a part of one! haha

  18. The ignorance is staggering. I love your reply. Send cookies?

  19. That comment was really uncalled for. I don't even understand what prompted the comment - all you were talking about was making cookies and that Asians don't tend to bake a lot. What does any of that have to do with interracial marriages? Granted, even if your entire post was about interracial marriage, the comment was pretty repulsive.

  20. Can we safely assume then, that chiffonade ain't votin' for Obama?

    Muahahahahaha! What a LoSeR!

  21. You're awesome, Larissa! Great post.

    (And I just read your last post about your future planned travels. A month in Europe? How exciting!)

  22. Gotta make some interracial babies. I live in Kansas, land of blonde hair, blue eyes, and no chins; in other words, inbreeding! So mix up the gene pool, baby, and have some good-looking kids!

    But also keep baking.

    At the risk of stirring up even more controversy, I'm curious to hear how you perceive this issue in relation to the current hullabaloo surrounding legalization of gay marriage in CA.

  23. My white-y boyfriend (hehe) and I watch a lot of Star Trek, so I wonder what will happen when people start having inter-species relationships. Haha!

    But seriously, I don't know if I will have children with him, but my friends seem to think we are going to have some damn cute (and equally creative...and fantastically crazy-in-a-good-way) ones, so whatevs.

    And judging by that picture, ditto for you and yours. :o)

  24. well said Larissa. you go with your bad self. :]

    Since we're talking about race are you Filipina?

  25. I can't believe someone seriously wrote that to you. I audacity! You have the right to marry whoever you want--it's about love and happiness, not religion or race. My parents, although not racially different, and Jewish and Catholic. Definitely not perfect, but they're still happily married. I grew up believe that no matter what race or difference, you it doesn't matter if you truly care for the person.

    Obviously that commenter is very naive. People like that annoy me.

  26. NO, I haven't! Well I know who's in the coffin now but I haven't finished watching it. For some reason I like teasing my self and pacing my self with the last few morsels of this season, I'm kind of watching it in bits. However I have to keep chopping down fellow Lost buddies who start discussing the finale as if I've seen it! Haha. I'm so glad,that makes 2 people now that I have met here that are Lost fans. Sweet!

  27. Huh. Guess interracial dating is on a lot of people's minds because I wrote something about it a while ago too.

    Mildred Loving, the woman who won the case to make interracial marriage legal (Loving v. the state of Virginia) died recently and she had this wonderful quote:

    "Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.

    I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about."

    This is what I believe love is. Love knows no boundaries, borders, lines, or division.

    I guess there will always be someone to rain on the happiness two people can have.

  28. Wow. I'm a little shocked at what people have the audacity to write.
    I just don't get why love isn't enough to base a marriage-- and why people have such strong opinions on other people's relationships!

  29. That kind of ignorance and overt prejudice makes my blood boil. Never mind the fact that there are actually fewer differences between races than there are within races, rendering the partners in interracial marriages potentially more similar than partners in same race marriages. And I don't even need to see this Commenter to know your kids are going to be way hotter.

  30. Awesome response, Larissa. My first impression is "dang, what a wacko." I'm appalled that the viewpoints your commentor relayed persist today, and I hate that thinking they don't makes me naive. Would that the world were a more peaceful place!

    Keep on "baking." I think your recipes are fabulous, and yield nothing but goodness :)

  31. I'm also in an interracial marriage and a Capricorn (per your blogger profile) so I suppose the similarities just keep coming!! I'm surrounded by interracial marriages (my sister in law is Black, we have Asian Jews in the family, I could go on and on...) so I suppose it's always been the 'norm' growing up for me. I suppose some folks growing up in a hole could still be shocked, but seriously...Way to stand up to the jerk!

  32. grrr that makes me angry!!

    I've heard this before and gotten lectures when dating people of different races about how 'difficult it is for a child to grow up mixed'... I'm not quite sure thats even true! I'm italian and cuban and because of my different look, was constantly asked which one of my parents were black, but because my parents explained my background as something to be proud of I always knew how to handle questions and knew that it just made me more unique..
    quality of life has everything to do with parenting and nothingggg to do with race. come onnn peeps!

  33. hi there,

    just stumbled across your blog and love it!
    and i wanted to give my two cents about inter-racial marriages and couples and dating in general.
    i'm a south asian female born and raised in nyc and my fiance is white and australian :)
    i've been to about 8 weddings in the last 3 years where a south asian/asian chick married a white dude.
    and in college (i just graduated) couples are mixing EVERYWHERE- indian guy/white girl, black girl/white guy, latino/white, asian/white, etc etc.

    it's sad to think that it was only 40 years that it was ILLEGAL to marry someone of a different race. but that's a whole other issue (mostly the results of slavery and our history of prejudice).

    people are just people.

    as cliche as it sounds, it really DOES NOT matter what color your skin is, unless you MAKE it an issue. for me and my fiance, it's never been an issue. we took classes together and naturally just realized we liked each other.

    although we still get stares sometimes (not so much in nyc which is pretty cosmopolitan), i'm lucky because i found a great guy.

    as for the person who made the ridiculously ignorant comment about how we shouldn't have sounds like that person is UNHAPPY in their own life...maybe their marriage ended in divorce or just plain sucks.

    because when you're happy and secure with yourself, you're happy for other people who found each other and love each other.

    gosh this is a long post, but this is an issue i feel strongly about.

    i wanted to conclude with the fact that our generation is a lot more open to interracial dating and marriage than our parent's generation and by the time we have kids and they're grown up and ready to get married, the world will definitely be more global and more people will parents who are each of different ethnicities.

    the most important thing you can do with your kids is shower them with love. and teach them about both cultures.

    also, i think the fact that ALL bi-racial kids are GORGEOUS is GOD's way of telling us that we should all mix it up and marry someone from a different race...because then the entire next generation would be mixed and there would be no more prejudice.

    that's all.
    i'm done. :))

  34. my mind wonders how people that close minded even know how to turn on a computer, much less find a random person to assault.


    Ignorance is alive!

    Good response!

  35. I cannot believe that anyone would voice such thoughts in 2008. I mean, I know that there are people out there who are still that bigoted and close-minded, but... wow.

    Rest assured that, as you said in your previous post, most people view your relationship as nothing short of joyful.

    Your future multiracial babies will be very loved and talented people, indeed.

  36. Ugh. People are... ridiculous. (And I use the word 'ridiculous' instead of a word I would want to use but would help this situation none). I've had my own experiences with inter-racial dating and found that it's usually the people with opinions you don't care about who feel the need to voice them. The ones who matter, the ones who know you- are happy when you are happy.

  37. My "white" husband Irish, German, French, Scottish and who knows what else. Is that not considered multiracial?

  38. someone linked back to this on another blog and I was shocked and horrified that someone would make that statement to you.

    They must not have seen many white/asian children (or interracial kids of any origin for that matter), otherwise they'd know how BEAUTIFUL they are.

    Not to mention how silly the whole idea of race is. If the whole "mitochondrial eve" theory is right, then perhaps 150,000 years ago we all had dark skin, and the changes we refer to as "race" nowadays is simply a reflection of increased/decreased amounts of melanin in our skin in response to the amount of direct UV radiation unborn fetuses in their mothers womb were receiving.

    Not surprisingly, move closer to the equator for, say 20,000 years, and your offspring will grow darker - it's a defense mechanism.

    Conversely, move away from the equator and your skin will lighten to alow more UV penetration - in an attempt to provide the "happy balance" between too little and too much. Again, a defense mechanism.

    Hard to believe that melanin levels are what all the fuss over race have been about, isn't it?

    The rest of our "racial" features are also climate driven. Hot climates produce taller people. Think of the body as a gaint heat-dispensing radiator for the brain. The more surface area you have, the more area for heat to escape from. In colder climates, shorter stockier features are more beneficial.

    Nose sizes are a reflection of whether we've lived in hot/wet, hot/dry, cold/wet, or cold/dry climates. Even eyes (such as the mystifying - at least for white guys like me - asian eyes) are an adaptation likely centered again around UV radiation.

    Again - this is what folks get angry with each other over?

    It's so laughable. I hope you bring forth many children. We're working on our second "halfie" (as we call him) right now.

    Luckily we've never experienced even a hint of racism. We even live in a rural community, and folks here absolute adore our child. Nearly everyone will comment "god those mixed children are gorgeous!" and agree that they are probably gods way of showing us the beauty in bridging gaps between our historical cultural differences.

    I look at it this way. 200,000 years ago or so , my wife (Chinese), and I (a mutt, but basically Anglo) probably had a common ancestor somewhere around present day Somalia. Our union is just the rejoining of genes that split the blink of an eye ago in terms of time when viewed from all of Earth's history.

    By the way, if you want to see another happy mixed couple - just stop on over our blog. It's all horse racing stuff, but who knows p- maybe I'll make a fan of you?

    My purpose wasn't to plug my blog though - just to chime in that I'm sorry you had to deal with such a comment and I think you handled yourself admirably.

  39. That person is just jealous because he or she won't have cute halfie kids like you (and my husband and I) will.

    Anyway, found your blog through Tastespotting. Keep up the good work!

  40. Ok seriously. What an idiot. How is it that I am Italian and my hubsand white, but we are not interacial? What the hell is interacial anyway? I say live your life, be who you are and embrace it. Your children will be beautiufl regardless. Children are really wonders! Not to mention the idiot that posted that probably has A. never set foot in a kitchen, and B. never had a spouse :)

  41. As another member of an interracial relationship, I say right on!

  42. You go girl. It is amazing to me that this day in age people still feel this way.

    Oy vey too much work to do to make this world right!

  43. Happy belated Loving Day (June 12th,! Not only am I a product of an interracial marriage, I'm a part of one, too. Love knows no boundaries and it's sad that some people fail to see it that way. Thank you for speaking up, you're an inspiration!

  44. Oh lordy. People still think like that? That interracial marriage is bad and the children are DOOOMED? That's rediculous. I know a few interracial couples and their children are turning out just fine, thank you very much.

    Crazy talk.

  45. Wow. I know those people are out there, but for some reason it's still a bit of a shocker when they address you directly and make their ignorance heard.

    As half of an interracial relationship (another one!) we usually tease each other about such things and backgrounds and all that, but we have so much respect for where the other person comes from it's easy to forget that there are people out there that are truly hateful. If he and I ever have children I think they'll be lucky to grow up exposed to how beautiful differences can be!

  46. I am the product of an interracial marriage. While it didn't work out for them and I had my own set of identity issues I wouldn't change it for the world. I am confident in who I am as a person aside from being biracial.
    I love my parents and love that I grew up with two different amazing cultures.
    Its really sad that there are people out there that disagree with it so much.

  47. Larissa, you said: But, do you explain Tiger Woods turning out okay?

    Ha Ha Ha Ha