10 Things I Learned in March

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. It's how I take notice and be present. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month:

1. A trip to the DMV can be a surprisingly pleasant experience. 

I finally bit the bullet, and transferred my driver's license from California to Hawaii. Meaning that I had to take a written test and eye exam. The eye exam basically consisted of me completely guessing an entire row of letters. Thankfully, the DMV staff was very forgiving, telling me, "Uh, you should probably get an eye check-up. Here's your license anyway." 

2. Studying the Bible with a few friends "just because" was one of the best things I did this month.

Steve, our housemate Ryland, and I felt inspired to hold our own weekly study in the Gospel of Mark. We all do a lot of ministry and leading, so it has been great for us to look at Scripture for ourselves.

3. A shockingly low number of films pass the Bechdel Test.

The Bechdel Test is used as an indicator for the active presence of women in films and other fiction. It's a simple test that uses the following criteria: it has to have at least two women in it who talk to each other about something besides a man. Sounds simple, right? Many movies don't make the cut, which is worth considering if you're at all interested in gender inequality. You can see the movies which pass or fail at Bechdel Test Movie List.

4. My kids look good all dressed up in new Easter clothes. 

This lasted about 10 minutes before they got chocolate smudges everywhere, and wanted to run around the house in only underwear.

5. The Leuchtturm 1917 notebook is THE BEST.

No, don't even start with how your other notebook is great. Sorry, you're absolutely wrong. The Leuchtturm has details like an empty table of contents, numbered pages, and a storage pocket. I hug mine before going to bed at night.

6. "When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, we are ripe for making a move." Ruth Haley Barton in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

I'm slowly reading this book for the second time, and purposefully letting its wisdom wash over me. I love Barton's insights on leadership, calling, and living out of our authentic selves. 

7. Your writing will be a lot better if you remove "that."

If your sentence includes "that," take it out and see if the sentence still makes sense. If it does, take it out. For other words to banish, see Five Words to Eliminate from Your Writing.

8. Getting from place to place with multiple kids is easier with a wagon.

We got our wagon from Costco, and have taken it everywhere. Here's a similar wagon on Amazon with great reviews.

9. I'm surely late to the game with this, but you can rearrange and hide your boards on Pinterest.

If you have boards that you want to be seen at the top of your Pinterest page, you can move them around in whatever order you wish. And you can make certain boards private. 

10. True compassion gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering.

I've been thinking about compassion a lot these days, mostly wondering how I can allow more compassion to flow in my life. Do I really want to live with compassion? That feels like a costly choice in many ways. What's the quality of compassion that I extend to others? To myself? In these musings, I mostly have concluded that I want more compassion, am limited in my own compassion resources, and need to let God pour his own compassion into me. 

What about you, friend? What did you learn this month?

10 Things I Learned in February

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. It's how I take notice and be present. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month:

1. You are the filter for your life. 

You decide what is nourishing and good for you, and what is toxic and unhelpful. No one but you can filter those things in and out.

2. My daughter is a watercolor artist. 

Alexandra (3 years) loves painting, and has amassed a collection of beautiful artwork. I love seeing her enjoy art creation so much. If you're interested in purchasing prints, postcards, or other items that feature her art, you can visit her online shop. Proceeds go toward funding my children's art supplies and goldfish cracker addictions.

3. I love using the Bullet Journal system. 

It's a very simple method of logging, listing, and scheduling. The method is also very customizable, so I've learned how to make it work best for my own needs. My own journal is a collection of lists, to-dos, dinner planning, and weekly calendars. 

4. No drinking coffee after noon. 

I have made this mistake several times, and always, always regret it when I cannot fall asleep at night. 

5. People need to have their pain acknowledged.

I've seen this to be true with my kids as well as adults. When people experience pain, sadness, or anger, there is a great need to have those feelings seen and acknowledged by someone else. And that can give way to relief and healing.

6. We have an almost 1-year old in the house.

Aria is 11 months old, and sporting a very funny new-teeth grin.

7. I'm going to miss the Crawley family.

Downton Abbey came to an end. I haven't seen the two-hour finale yet, but I'm already feeling a sense of mourning. Goodbye, dear Downton.

8. Purposefully beginning my day with a quiet moment with God changes everything.

This month I began every day with a brief minute or two of prayer. Before turning on my phone, checking email, or getting out of bed, I turned to God with this invitation, "I am here, Lord. Speak to me." As I did this, I became aware of God's presence in a way that really shaped the rest of the day.

9. Homemade chicken nachos.

We had this a few nights ago, and it was a hit.

10. I'm still learning how to have good rhythms of work and rest. 

With a new job, evolving responsibilities, and changing projects, I am readjusting how I craft my day. I need a lot of self-care these days. I prefer not to have more than two meetings in any given day. Doing a "reset" of the house at night makes my mornings feel less overwhelming.

What about you, friend? What did you learn this month?

10 Things I Learned in January

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. It's how I take notice and be present. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month: 

1. One hour in the snow is just right for our family. 

During our holiday trip to California, we took a day to drive up a mountain so our kids could play in the snow. For Hawaii kids, this is the dream. We spent one hour frolicking, making snowmen, and sledding down a hill. When the kids predictably began complaining about their cold feet, we jumped back into the car.

2. I love partnering with others in creative projects. 

Right now I'm currently collaborating with others on a few different new ventures. There is such magic that happens when you try something new and risky with other creative people.

3. I can eat this for breakfast every day.

Toast topped with a fried egg, avocado, and a dash of pepper and truffle salt. Yessss.

4. True listening transforms us.

My friend and former colleague Adam McHugh wrote a powerful and deep book called The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction, which compels us to listen to God, others, and ourselves. Since reading it, I've been challenged to be a better listener and to allow my heart to be more attentive and open.

5. Speaking of listening to God and others, I have recently taken on a new leadership role at my church as Pastor of Spiritual Formation.

Essentially, I will be giving guidance and direction in people's spiritual journeys. I'm excited and honored to join people as they seek to know God more deeply, grow spiritually, and be released more fully into their God-purposed lives. I see this ministry as one of listening - listening to people, listening to the spiritual and soul realities, listening to God - and helping others to do the same.

6. Parenthood involves saying ridiculous things in all seriousness. 

As in, "Please wipe your face with a napkin, not a quesadilla." I really had to say this to my child.

7. Hawaii has vog, and it's gross.

The air quality is generally lovely here, until vog (air pollution from the nearby erupting volcano) settles in. We've had a few days of heavy vog, and it is nastier than Los Angeles smog.

8. We all have bad days, and this tool can help:

This diagram is in Jes Baker's Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls as a tool for increasing health. I think it is wonderful in its simplicity and effectiveness.

Step 1) You begin with an "I feel" statement. Such as one of my common ones, "I feel anxious." Step 2) Fill out the symptoms. Step 3) List out the core areas of your life that affect your health. For mine, I add in connectedness to God, water, and quiet time. Then Step 4) Assess how much or little of that area has been getting met, and Step 5) Actionable solutions for each area. Step 6) Put each solution into order. And now you have an action plan!

I've realized that lots of my grumpiness and anxiety comes from needing more time to connect with God and have quiet.

9. Sometimes I use popsicles to bribe motivate my kids. 

You guys, I'm a genius. I make homemade popsicles with fruit, yogurt, and spinach. My kids think these green popsicles are a fantastic treat, and are basically willing to do anything to get one. I feel no remorse over this.

10. Everyone has fear, and everyone needs courage.

I have my own fears. You have yours. We all need encouragement. Take courage today, friends. Do something that scares you, and kick fear to the curb. Go impart some of that courage to others around you.

What about you? What did you learn this month?

Reflections on 2015

End-of-the-year reflections from past years: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

Happy 2016, dear friends!

Near the end of the year, I enjoy taking time to reflect on the past year. It helps me to remember what I learned, consider the greater context of my life, and embrace the coming of a new year.

1. What was the best thing that happened this year?

Our lovely, lively Aria Li Mei Marks was born (you can read about her birth here). As our third child, she brought more joy and chaos into our family (and forced us to purchase a minivan).

2. What was the most challenging thing that happened?

Saying yes to the right things for right now. Whew, more than ever before, this year was full of challenging decisions for Steve and me. These decisions involved competing values and complicated outcomes, and we really had to lean hard into wisdom, prayer, and discernment.

3. What was an unexpected joy?

Ministering with Steve in new ways was an unexpected joy. This year we had the chance to preach at a conference together, as well as lead and minister to others in our home. After several years of doing completely different things, ministering together was really life-giving.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

The temptation to people-please. There were several points this year when it was tempting to let the opinions of others sway my decisions, rather than be guided by my own true convictions.

5. Pick three words to describe 2015.

Sleep deprivation
Faithfulness
Risk

6. What were the best books you read this year?

Soul Keeping by John Ortberg
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
On Writing by Stephen King
The Martian by Andy Weir

7. What did you do in 2015 that you've never done before?

I wrote a short memoir each day for 100 consecutive days. The 100 Days of Memoirs project was challenging and invigorating (and a little insane to do in the early months after giving birth), and I am so glad to have done it.

8. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

For 2015 I committed to be a person of love, generosity, joy, kindness, and compassion. I'm not sure how to measure that. Did I intentionally grow in those areas? Yes, I tried. Do I think I am different from who I was last year? Yes, I think so.

For this coming year, I have a sense that there will be ways I grow through effort and intention, but also through letting myself freely receive what comes my way. I haven't yet made any resolutions or goals, but I probably will at some point.

9. For what are you most grateful?

I'm grateful for the abundance of people in my life - my husband, our kids, parents, siblings, our housemate, friends, church community. If one's wealth can be counted in relationships, I am rich beyond what I deserve.

To a lesser degree, I am grateful for coffee, good schools for our children, a healthy body, public libraries, and date nights with my husband.

10. How did you change this year?

I was altered by parenthood this year, stretched by having a third child while also raising a feisty 3-year-old. Through my kids, I grew in my capacity to love unconditionally.

I also changed as a writer. I finally came to a place of embracing the writer in me, identifying as a writer and storyteller.

11. What moments were most memorable?

Delivering our third child. Co-speaking with Steve for an InterVarsity Fall Conference of 150 college students. Launching our monthly Beer, BBQ, Bible Study nights in our living room.

12. What were your greatest discoveries?

Hydro Flask water bottles. The 100-Day Project. Capsule wardrobes.

13. What are you looking forward to this coming year?

I am excited to take on a new leadership role in our church, as well as continue to offer people guidance as a spiritual director. I'm also looking forward to working on writing projects, and developing as a storyteller.

14. What was the most significant thing you learned this year?

There are many voices speaking, but it is only God's voice that is worth following.

10 Things I Learned in November

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. It's how I take notice and be present. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month:

1. Science fiction can be surprisingly engrossing. 

If you haven't read The Martian by Andy Weir yet, I highly recommend it. For being a novel about one guy stranded on Mars, I didn't expect it to be so entertaining.

2. Pumpkin bread without sugar tastes like damp cardboard.

I made two entire loaves, but forgot to add in the sugar. It was a heartbreak.

3. I need some older, wiser mentors. 

This is one of those areas of my life that feels like it atrophied when we moved to Hawaii over a year ago. Back in Los Angeles, I had a pretty amazing handful of older people who were invested in me and my growth. Now, I feel like I'm around younger people nearly all the time.

4. My kids are creatures of habit.

Despite my best efforts at pointing out other book options at the library, this is what they borrow every.single.time:

Me: Let's find some new books...how about this one about animals at the zoo?
Kids: More Mo Willems Pidgin books! Even though we read them all fifty times already!

It's the same story for lunchtime too.

Me: For lunch I can make chicken soup with homemade stock that took 4 hours to cook.
Kids: Quesadillas every day, all the time!

I tried, y'all.

5. For great Thanksgiving turkey, you really need a good kitchen thermometer.

In previous years, I've tried all the time-consuming brining and whatnot techniques. This year, I instead went with a simple method, and our turkey turned out perfectly moist and tasty. The key is taking the turkey out of the oven RIGHT when it hits the correct temperature.

6. When I feel stressed, I declutter.

I've noticed this tendency recently. If I feel overburdened, I usually clear out my closet, go through the house and find things to get rid of, or cut my hair.

7. An artificial Christmas tree was a great purchase.

I was a bit torn by this decision, but now have embraced the practicality. It may not have the nice tree scent, but it was so much easier to set up. And yay, no needles to clean up!

8. Month eight in a baby's life is pretty exciting.

This month Aria got her first two teeth, started crawling, and figured out how to clap her hands. She seems very pleased with herself for reaching these milestones.

9. The AnyList app is fantastic.

I use it for all my list-making needs - To Do's, Movies to Watch, Books to Read, Packing List, Christmas Gift Ideas. But the true value is in having a shared Grocery List with Steve. We can both add to the list, and now have a live-updated, streamlined shopping list.

10. Writing. I need to write daily.

I love that feeling of creating words and thoughts in my mind, and putting them together on paper. It's good for my soul to create.

What did you learn this month?

Thankfulness

This year our family began a new tradition. It's called the Thanksgiving Tree. Every day we write down things we're grateful for, and hang them on the tree. On Thanksgiving Day, we'll read them out loud. Then the following day we'll decorate it for Christmas. More time with our tree, more time to practice gratitude.

This season of Thanksgiving is timely and meaningful for me. I've noticed recently that there is a buildup of frustration in me. I think this frustration is coming from my perception that my life feels scarce. Sleep feels scarce. Money feels scarce. Emotional energy feels scarce. 

But each day I walk by our Thanksgiving Tree, and think to myself, "What do I have to be grateful for right now?" Every time I consider this, I experience a shift in my soul. My heart expands in awareness of how much I have. I experience joy and contentment. Bitterness and anxiety melt away. I recognize the abundance in my life. I remember that every single good thing I have is a gift and grace from God that I didn't earn or deserve.

Here are some things I am particularly thankful for right now:

1. A growing friendship with my parents. They are really quality people, and I love spending time with them every week.
2. Getting to connect with family and friends over FaceTime. 
3. My husband. He's my partner in life, and we have it pretty good.
4. Great schools and teachers for our kids. 
5. Our housemate Ryland. We have built-in community with someone who we genuinely love.
6. A healthy, functioning body.
7. Friends who volunteer to babysit our kids. 
8. Resources to travel to California to spend time with family for Christmas. With a family of five, this is no small thing.
9. My friend Cathy. In our friendship, we share, laugh, cry, and end up better people because of each other.
10. A home where we can rest and welcome others.
11. My three kids who each add so much love and joy to our family. 
12. Hugs that are a whole lot more than just a hug.
13. A computer, car, and vacuum that all work. 
14. Our church community of risk-takers and faith adventurers. 
15. A moment today of quiet stillness.
16. Getting to spend time doing what I love. The big pieces of my life - writing, parenting, discipling people - are all things that I want to be doing.

10 Things I Learned in October

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. It's how I take notice and be present. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month: 

1. A family of five can do really fun group costumes for Halloween. 

We had a great time dressing up as the emotion characters from Inside Out. Aria was the only one who had trouble staying in character. She pretty much wanted to chew on her glasses all night.

More Halloween lessons: no one makes wigs for babies, trick-or-treating in a neighborhood is way better than at a mall (yuck), and chocolate melts very quickly in Hawaii.

2. I'm really, really tired.

You guys, this was an exhausting month. We had family visiting, Steve and I spoke together at a conference in Los Angeles, my kid was on break from school, and most of our family has been battling a cold for the last week. Now I feel like the weariness has caught up to me, and I could hibernate for a month. It's taking me an extra measure to think and write and do normal life things.

3. When I say "seriously," Siri on my iPhone thinks I'm talking to her. 

I am realizing that I say the word "seriously" a lot. And when I do, Siri often pops awake, saying things like, "I'm not sure what you said there, Larissa."

4. Our 8-month old baby can finally sleep through the night.

Hallelujah and amen and happy dance around the living room! This really is a big deal. Since birth, Aria hasn't slept for more than 5 hours at a time, often waking every 2-3 hours at night. We needed a change. I needed a change. All it took was Steve and I vacating our own room and letting Aria sleep there by herself. After one night of letting her cry a few times (and subsequently falling back asleep), she is now sleeping for 12 hours with no crying or waking. Hello, glorious sleep! Now our next step is moving her into the kids' room, and praying that all three kids will be able to sleep.

5. I'm not that into hiking, but I'll make an exception for pretty waterfalls. 

We went on a family hike along the Manoa Falls trail, and had a blast. It was a great, very muddy adventure that made us say, "Hey, we should hike more often."

6. Many other countries refer to their eggplant as an "aubergine."

I find this highly amusing. "Aubergine" sounds like such an elegant word in comparison to the plain "eggplant." Here, have some aubergine parmigiana.

7. Equal partnership takes extra work, but it is worth it. 

Steve and I co-spoke together at an InterVarsity conference for a group of about 130 college students earlier this month. In advance, we decided to partner for all of the four teaching times, something brand new for both of us. This meant that we prepared all of the sermons together, and tag-team preached throughout the conference. It ended up taking way more time and effort to do it this way, but we had so much fun in the process.

8. Sometimes Pizza Night saves the day.

There was a recent day when I was stressed out, scurrying from task to task. During the busyness of the day, I wondered to myself, "Are there things I can let go of right now, in order to better enjoy the present?" At that moment, a timely text from Steve appeared on my phone: "Got dinner plans? Should I order pizza?" When I typically would spend time and energy making dinner, ordering pizza felt like a welcomed alternative. That simple adjustment resulted in a long afternoon enjoying my kids and resting. Hurray for pizza night, and not always doing things the hard way.

9. Steve and I are suckers for social games with hidden identities. 

First it was Mafia, then Resistance and Resistance Avalon. Our new current favorite is 2 Rooms and a Boom. We had a group of friends come over last weekend, and we played several hours worth of 2 Rooms and a Boom. The lying, the strategy...it is so addicting.

10. I need someone to tell me if these books are worth reading: The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown and Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiewicz.

I've read through several chapters of each book, and feel like I'm about to pass out from boredom. But they both are esteemed as great books. Help me out, please! Should I keep trying to get through them, or should I let them go? My general theory is that life is too short to read things I don't love.

What did you learn this month?

10 Things I Learned in September

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month:

1. Fantasy Football is surprisingly addicting. 

This is my first time playing in a FF league with friends. And while I'm very ambivalent about the NFL in general, I really care about how my pretend team does. Even though it has no bearing on real life whatsoever. This is probably due to the competitive streak that runs in the family. 

2. Making new friends is like going on blind dates. 

You test the waters with people, seeing if there is any meaningful connection and potential for more. Sometimes you part ways, sometimes you find a person you click with. It takes some courage and risk, but maybe you end up with someone who becomes a true and lasting friend.

3. A good water bottle is a life changer. 

I used this Camelbak for years, and it was great. But after moving to a tropical (hot) climate, my water bottle needs changed. So I got this Hydro Flask. At about $30, it was an upgrade. But it was totally worth the money. Now I have a water bottle that keeps water cold for hours, and it doesn't sweat all over the table. I'm a fan of the Hydro Flask.

4. Stand up comedy is one of the bravest things people can do. 

Steve and I went to a stand up comedy show, and I was in awe of people who can write some jokes, deliver them in front of an audience of judges, and hope that their performance will connect with people enough to make them laugh. We have a few friends in the stand up comedy world, and I salute those people for their bravery.

5. When you mess with the status quo, you will encounter opposition. 

Change is challenging and uncomfortable. It unearths people's fears and insecurity. I am seeing this reality play out in several ways around me as I make some changes. It is important for me to remember opposition is to be expected, and even a good indication that something meaningful is getting birthed. 

6. My frustration or anger toward people is inversely proportional to the amount of compassion I have for them.

When I have compassion, concern for other people's suffering, there is decreased space in my heart for anger. Conversely, if I feel angry or frustrated with people, that's a good indicator of how little compassion I have for them. May I become more filled with compassion for others. 

7. Fall is a strange season in Hawaii. 

Pumpkin spice lattes and autumn color schemes seem completely displaced here. I mean, I love me some pumpkin bread, but it's just not the same when the day is 80 degrees and you're wearing shorts. 

8. I have evil fatigue. 

With the racism, mass shootings, hatred, and all the other awful, horrible things happening around our world, my heart aches. I am struggling against the feeling of being overwhelmed and disengaging. I am so very tired. But I want to fight and hope too. 

9. My grouchiest, most irritable time is when I wake up in the morning. 

I vaguely recall being a great morning person. But now I have a baby who is a terrible sleeper, and two other kids who wake me up before I'm ready. So I'm in a foul mood each morning - annoyed that I'm already tired at the beginning of the day, worried about the things I need to do, and longing for the experience of feeling well rested. I typically have a cup of strong coffee, which helps me ease into the day with a better outlook. But still...before coffee, watch out for Larissa the Grouch.

10. People are seeking spiritual guidance. 

Every time I tell people that I'm a spiritual director, I get responses of intrigue and curiosity. "What is that? Tell me more," said one woman who had come to my door trying to sell me something. When I explained that I help people encounter God and pursue spiritual growth, her eyes lit up. "Oh, you're like a coach for people's spiritual journey. I need that!" she exclaimed. When I have interactions like these, I am reminded why I'm doing what I'm doing. 

That Time I Lost It With My Kid

Before I became a parent, I used to imagine there was this child-raising formula: love + good intentions = great parenting. Now that I have actual experience in actual parenting, I realize that it doesn't really work that way. Because guess what? Parenting involves human beings. And sometimes, humans beings are messy. 

I lost it last week with my daughter.

She is three. She is passionate, feisty, and sometimes goes berserk (as three-year-olds are inclined to do). On average, she has about 3-4 meltdowns per day. These meltdowns may be triggered by any number of horrible experiences. Such as her oatmeal didn't have enough milk in it. Or I asked her to pick up the utensil she dropped. Or her pull-up diapers "feel squishy."

Last week, I was helping her get ready for naptime. She was in her bed, and asked me to turn her fan on. I did. Then she complained, "I can't feel it!" I adjusted the fan closer. "I still can't feel it!" I pulled the fan as far as the cord would reach, and positioned it four inches from her face. "I still can't feel it!" I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I needed to be the calm adult, and moved the fan again. "Okay, this is the best I can do," I told her. She kicked the air and shouted at me, "I STILL CAN'T FEEL IT!"

Snap. My frustration boiled over, I lost that tiny shred of rational thinking, and I shouted back, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Which is obviously a productive question to ask a toddler. But I didn't stop there. I stormed out into the living room, to where my husband was sitting on the couch.

In a desperate attempt at sympathy and help, I said, "I don't know what to do with her FUCKING FAN."

It was basically my version of a tantrum. Things were not going the way I wanted, and I was angry.

Steve's eyes went wide, as he silently pointed toward the coffee table. Crouched under the table was our six-year-old son. My kid had just witnessed his mom yelling the f-word loud and clear. While that new bit of information dawned on me, my gallant husband tried to play off the moment, saying, "Hey Aaron, were you hiding from Mom? She had no idea you were there! Okay, time for your nap."

In that moment, I was completely horrified at how badly I had messed up.

Mean, accusing voices spun through my head. What a terrible mother you are. Good parents don't yell at their kids. Those are the words I hear when I screw up. I know they are lies, yet I still hear them.

But then a different voice spoke up in me. You're human. She's human. Humans screw up sometimes. You're learning.

A mentor of mine, who I consider to be an amazing mom to her three kids, once told me, "I love my kids. But sometimes, I really want to just kick them." Her words capture for me just how human and messy this parenting thing is.

I love my kids and try to do my best as their parent, but sometimes I really screw up.

I'm learning to be okay with losing it once in awhile. And to apologize and ask forgiveness. And to extend compassion when other people lose it.

Maybe parenting isn't so much about doing it great all the time. Maybe it's more about sticking with each other through the mess and screw ups, and continuing to love each other.

10 Things I Learned in August

At the end of each month, I share things that I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month:

1. Coconut oil can treat infant cradle cap. 

Cradle cap is a form of skin condition that Aria had which caused her scalp to be flakey and crusty. Our doctor told us it would simply go away at some point. But then my friend Jeanne tipped me off that rubbing coconut oil on the skin would do the trick. We rubbed some coconut oil on Aria's head, gently combed the skin on her scalp, and like magic, no more scaly skin.

2. Parenthood is about carrying long term vision and hopes for your children.

I've been thinking a lot recently about what kinds of people I want my kids to become. Empathetic. Resilient. Creative. As I mine my heart for these hopes, I feel challenged. How am I modeling these to my kids? How am I, as their parent, coaching and nurturing them into these qualities? This is probably a whole blog post for another time.

3. Netflix has a series called Chef's Table, and it's beautiful. 

Each episode enters the kitchen and life of a renowned chef, and explores his or her unique passions and worldviews. It's very much like Jiro Dreams of Sushi (which is a great documentary).

4. Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest. 

I discussed this life habit more here, after reading the powerful book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. Truly, this concept resonates deeply for me. As I think about my life's activities, relationships, time, and tasks, I keep asking the same question, "Is this thing speaking to my heart? Is it life-giving? Is is deepening my joy?" As I ask myself these questions, I have so much clarity about what I need to keep or let go.

5. I'm now a soccer mom with a minivan and three kids. 

Um, yeah. I'm a living cliche. I've suddenly entered into this new stage of life where I constantly have a baby strapped onto my torso, a purse that's stocked with diapers and crackers, and am chauffeuring kids to school and activities. I thought graduating from college was a big adult milestone, but this parenthood gig is a whole other beast.

6. If it weren't for my husband, I'd be a less courageous minister and leader. 

Steve and I have been partnered in ministry and leadership for as long as we've known each other. We have mentored people, taught seminars, led missions teams, and developed new ministries together. And all along the way, he has continued to be my biggest advocate. There have been so many times I have been filled with self-doubt that threatened to paralyze me from taking risks in leadership. But then my husband will encourage, challenge, and support me in a way that propels me into more confidence. He's the steady voice of, "Of course you can do it," that leads me to saying yes to speaking at a conference for the first time, and the voice of, "Your wisdom and input is needed," that helps me to speak up rather than stay silent. I do not take this man or our partnership for granted, and for the billionth time am grateful for my choice to marry him.

7. My kids are Michael Jackson fans. 

Their favorite and most requested is "the zombie song" (Thriller), but really they love it all. I am dancing for joy that we don't have to listen to children's music or the Frozen soundtrack. Bow to the King of Pop.

8. Sometimes Amazon gives you a refund, and doesn't require you to return the item. 

This happened to us several times this month. We had to return several items (that either didn't fit or work), and Amazon sent us our money back or a replacement with a message saying, "No need to return the original item." Thank you, Amazon!

9. This little squishy is 6 months old. 

I love how much joy increases in our home and family because of her! And I am saying this despite being completely and utterly sleep deprived for the last 6 months.

10. There are several wonderful historical fiction books set during World War II that are worth reading: All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr and The Nightengale by Kristin Hannah.

I somehow began reading these simultaneously, one on Kindle and one hardcopy from the library. Both are so poignant and lovely and tear-inducing.

10 Things I Learned In July

Goodbye summer, hello new school and work rhythms for our kids! I can't believe July is finished.

At the end of each month, I share things I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month.

1. A day at the beach is so good for our family. 

It's a lot of work to get all the kids and beach stuff out to the beach, but when we do, it is worth it. We've been enjoying paddle boarding and boogie boarding together. 

2. I want to let go of worrying about what I'm not doing.

Do you struggle with guilt or anxiety over things you could be doing better or goals you're not reaching? I do this all the time. I'm trying to embrace the antidotes to these worries - contentment, gratefulness, and being present. 

3. Two-headed snakes exist in real life.

Our housemate, Ryland, mentioned this bit of information one night at dinner. Apparently it's a rare mutation in the snake world. Welcome to my new fear, people.

4. Always thaw frozen meat in a dish.

I know this kitchen rule, but sometimes I listen to the inner fool that says, "Just toss the packaged meat into the fridge...it won't leak this time." Alas, it always leaks, and I always have gross meat juices to clean up.

5. Tequila reconciliation can solve a lot of conflicts.

My friend Victoria introduced me to this idea of hers - if you have a problem or conflict with someone, reconcile with him or her over a few shots of tequila. Forgiveness and grace flow nicely with the warmth of Tequila Reposado.

6. One of our neighbors spreads love through avocados. 

Someone mysteriously placed several large avocados in our mailbox the other day. What a fun surprise amidst all the junk mail!

7. Sometimes you blink, and your child is now a capable 1st grader who can swim, read, and do many things without your help.

Seeing Aaron grow older is a reminder to me to savor the present moment with my kids while it lasts.

8. There are two types of problems: solvable problems and unsolvable problems. 

The first type can be resolved; work toward a solution. The second type can't be resolved; own it and manage it. I have found this principle to be particularly helpful as I consider how to navigate people and relationships.

9. The one household chore that I cannot skip is vacuuming. 

Our family is constantly generating crumbs, dirt, and hairballs on the carpet. A good vacuum is a wise investment for a family with young kids. 

10. I'm still learning how to love people with my unique gifts, personality, and presence.

I believe we each have qualities that affect other people around us, for better or for worse. It is the maturing person who is aware of how their presence influences their surroundings, and is able to develop ways of being a life-giving blessing to people. For years, people have told me that I bring stability and consistency. My initial reaction to hearing this was, "How boring!" It has taken me a long time to discover how and why that quality in me can be a gift to people. 

10 Things I Learned In June

At the end of each month, I share things I learned. This habit helps me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. It's my way of reflecting and celebrating. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned this month.

1. My kids' desire to watch television can be leveraged in so many ways. 

We created a list of things they need to do before having the privilege of any screen time. Parents win.

2. I have passed the age when I could eat whatever I wanted without any consequence. 

Steve and I went out on a date to celebrate our anniversary, where we ate all sorts of delicious yet heavy/greasy food. The next morning my stomach felt all sorts of horrible.

3. Our whole lives hinge on the health of our souls. 

How often do we consider that reality? I read Soul Keeping by John Ortberg, a powerful and insightful book about discovering and nurturing the soul.

4. Summer is made for drinking Moscow Mules.

5. Carrying my chubby 3-month old baby is the equivalent of going to the gym several times a week.

Which is sort of perfect, since I don't have the will power to exercise in any regular way these days. I'm not sure exactly how many pounds she weighs, but my back and shoulders have been so sore.

6. It is easy to see and criticize other people's flaws. The hard, painful work is in seeing our own flaws.

7. There is a site called My Morning Routine, where people from all kinds of places and professions share about how they begin the day. 

I'm intrigued by the habits that different people practice to live out their purpose.

8. Birkenstocks make my feet happy.

They are so comfortable, and go with everything (at least in Hawaii's tropical climate)...why did I not realize this earlier?

9. I need to stay connected with creative people. 

There are people in my life who are visionary, risk-takers, and creators of new and beautiful things. These people inspire and nurture the creator in me, and I constantly need that fuel to thrive.

10. Whenever I feel aimless or overwhelmed, my Daily Checklist serves as my guide. 

For over two years, I've had generally the same checklist of important daily tasks, and it is just as relevant and helpful as ever. In addition to my original list, I also added one more: be present to people. The challenge for me right now is how to work through my checklist during the hazy season of parenting three little ones on less than ideal sleep.

10 Things I Learned in May

At the end of each month, I write about things I learned. This practice has helped me pay attention to life, myself, and God's presence. In no particular order, here are 10 things I learned in May:

1. I love my minimalist capsule wardrobe. 

The basic idea of the capsule wardrobe is to have a small number of useful clothes in your closet and remix them each season. I pared my closet down to 38 items (tops, bottoms, shoes, dresses, and outerwear). This doesn't include workout clothes, sleep wear, underwear, or accessories. My current capsule wardrobe is mostly made of classic, quality basics, with a splashes of coral and blue. It is simple, I love every item, and I can dress creatively without getting overwhelmed with too many options. If you want to try it, check out some of these resources for inspiration: my Pinterest boards Project 333 and Minimalist Wardrobe Fashion, blog Project 333, or blog Un-Fancy. 

2. My kids love creating, and I love watching them create. 

We found a great neighborhood art studio with workshops and open art times. My kids can spend hours there. 

3. Getting halfway through a project is both invigorating and daunting. 

It's about the halfway mark in the 100 Days of Memoirs project. I'm feeling proud of what has been created so far, and also starting to wonder if I have 50 more stories in me to write. Send me inspiration and creativity vibes, please.

4. Starfish have an eye on each of their legs.

My son taught me this after his class watched some nature show. I thought this factoid was highly amusing. 

5. Cutting down on sugar is difficult on the front end, but so good for our family. 

We purged all junk food out of our house, and made a strict rule to not keep anything with added sugar around. Now our kids simply know that there are no cookies or ice cream, so they happily snack on apples or carrot sticks. We need to now work on helping them make good food choices outside our home. 

6. The first step to gaining wisdom is desiring it. 

I've been surrounded by wise people lately, and am so grateful for the life lessons I'm learning. Speaking of wisdom, I've been reading Never Go Back by Dr. Henry Cloud. Really good stuff. 

7. Do not try cutting your own hair. Really, don't even think about it!

One morning I decided to chop off my hair. I've cut other people's hair, and trimmed my own bangs, so I figured why not? The "why not" is because hello, I can't see the back of my own head. It was a mess that sent me on an emergency trip to the hair salon. Thankfully, Marcy the hairdresser fixed everything. If I EVER consider doing that again, please talk me down from the bad place. 

8. Also, my hair is getting more wavy. 

Apparently this is a thing, according to the woman at the hair salon. Some people's hair goes from straight to wavy as they age. Weird. 

9. People changing more into who they are meant to be is one of the most beautiful things in the world. 

This month I had the joy of witnessing several people make life-altering choices toward more purpose and love. So amazing. 

10. If you can't be silly and stupid with your spouse, then really, what's the point of marriage? 

Here is a screenshot of the most recent texts between Steve and me. Also, we were sitting TWO FEET away from each other while sending the texts. 

Now it's your turn...what did you learn this month?